I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
