Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The adults are the big ones right?
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