If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
