Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
