Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
