she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
