I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
