Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
