hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
