I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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