Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
