Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
