I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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