It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
