I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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