and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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