I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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