So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize