Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
