no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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