very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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