my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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