I'm gonna have a badass scar
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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