Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
