I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
