im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
