Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
