i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize