Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
