dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
