Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
