I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
