if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
