I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
