Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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