I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
