Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
