Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Holy shit dude........stairs
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
