ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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