therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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