Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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