cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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