Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
