was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize