Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
