i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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