Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize