I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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