he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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