he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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