Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
