I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
