I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
