I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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