I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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