shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
