i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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