The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
