Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
