The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
