his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
