i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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