Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
