I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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