He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
