Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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