Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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