i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
