Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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