I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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