It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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