Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
