I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
