My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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