remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
