even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
