the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
