got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
