you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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