Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize