Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
smell my finger.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
