The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
