I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
then he tried to convert me to islam
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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